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Conspiratopia: Chapter 2

It had been like a week or so since I quit Walmart. When my mom would leave for work, I would always promise her I would look at job ads (which all sucked), but mostly I would watch conspiracy videos, or read threads on conspiracy forums. Like I said, that’s how I got so smart about all of this stuff. 

One day, I was really surprised to find a job ad that sounded like totally super perfect for me. It wasn’t on the local job search site that I used to find things nearby. It was actually in an ad on a conspiracy forum, so you know it’s legit. It read:


I thought to myself like, damn, this could be frickin’ amazing. I love taking surveys online. Signing up for contests and crap. Plus like holy cow, free VR glasses? I am in. Maybe I can use them with my Xbox. 

I clicked through to sign up, gave them my email, my password, my credit card, my pin number, my social security number, birth date, everything they asked for. Cause like I said, I love surveys. And who frickin’ cares. What the hell do I have to hide? 

After about like thirty pages of questions about myself, the system said that I passed the initial screening, and I was welcome to complete the first hundred surveys in exchange for system credits, so that I could earn my free VR glasses, and then start getting paid for realz. Yessss, awesome. Done.

I clicked the sign up button, and waited for the page to load. I went to the mini-fridge to crack open a Diet Coke, and came back. 

I spent about the next six or seven hours almost just frickin’ taking surveys and stuff. I went totally nuts on those surveys. I felt like I was just getting faster and faster on them. I was in the zone, you know what I mean. 

Most of them were really easy questions about like products or games and movies and stuff. I liked those ones the best, cause I could just sail through them fast and earn extra points for finishing before the recommended time. Some of them were about politics and the news, or asking your opinion about a certain celebrity or politician or whatever. I didn’t know who a lot of those people are, but the instructions said it didn’t matter, and I should just go with my first reaction and not think about it too hard. 

So that’s what I did. I went with my gut, and like I said got faster and faster, and was earning extra points like crazy. And like the system started sending me messages like:


I was all like, hells yeah. It was a little confusing though at first, because there were “credits” you earned for each survey. But then like you could also earn like “points” and “bonuses” for finishing things early, or doing mini-puzzles and stuff. 

The mini-puzzles were actually really cool. I started getting more of those mixed in as I got faster doing the surveys. At first they were mostly like solving CAPTCHAS and stuff. Which I’m pretty good at anyway. I clicked on so many fire hydrants and crosswalks and stuff, omg you have no idea. Sometimes they would be more like short timed games where you moved around jewels or tokens or something. And then there were games that remembered where you left off after each round, like one with growing vegetables in a garden. That one was kinda boring I thought, but at least the vegetables would grow even when you weren’t playing, and could be exchanged later for points. There weren’t even any shooting games, though. But whatever, I was obviously earning bank. I could just play Call of Duty later. It was no big deal.

There were also some personality tests too that were like, what would you do in such and such a social situation, or like what if you saw your friend taking money from the cash register at work. Stuff like that. I didn’t always know what I thought for all of those, and was a lot of times just picking whatever the middle response was, so I didn’t look too weird or like a creep or something in the system, haha. I mean, I don’t know anyway what you’re supposed to answer with these. I tried to be honest, I guess. A lot of times the questions would repeat later in a different way. 

After about 3.5 hours on the site, I got a system message that was like:


And there was a timer. 

I got up and stretched, took a leak, and cracked open another Diet Coke. I guess I should eat something, I thought. So I got some chips, and got ready to settle back in. I didn’t feel tired at all. 

It said 9 more minutes, so I put on some tunes, checked my messages for a minute. Surfed a couple forums. There was nothing really interesting, plus I wanted to get back to work and stuff. I never had a job like this before, where I could just work at home. Totally cool. My mom was gonna be stoked too, I thought. 

Before I knew it, the timer was almost up, and I closed out the other windows and stuff I was looking at. I ended up just like staring at the numbers as they went down from 1 minute 45 seconds, down to zero, and the page refreshed automatically, and we were back in business. 

I kept the tunes on this time, even though there were some sound effects and music in some of the games and mini-puzzles and stuff. I put in another solid 2.5 hours no problem before I started to get a little tired. 

I got a system message that said:


I thought for a minute about switching over to Xbox or even PlayStation, but instead clicked on the button marked Nah, I’m cool.

The system responded:


Sweet, I thought. So I put on some new tunes, and blasted out another 1.5 hours, no sweat. 

Surveys? What surveys! I was going so fast, I was like Neo in the Matrix, but filling out surveys instead of dodging bullets. I started to wonder if Agent Smith would show up, my skills were so good. It was frickin’ awesome. I didn’t even think about playing Xbox or checking my messages or going to the bathroom or anything else again that whole time. I was so totally in the zone and stuff. 

Then I got a message:


Damn, I thought, this rules. This is the best job ever. I can’t wait to tell my mom.

But things were about to get weird, and I didn’t even see it coming.

Conspiratopia: Chapter 1

I’m a really smart conspiracy guy. I read like everything I can about conspiracy theories and stuff on Reddit, and watch tons of conspiracy videos on YouTube, and I’m a lurker on a few other platforms that I won’t name here because I don’t want to get shadowbanned for mentioning them. The cabal is crazy like that. They will ban you just for mentioning stuff they don’t like. 

I really love Xbox. Especially the Halo series and Call of Duty. And the Matrix. That movie frickin’ rules. It’s like one of the only movies that like tells the truth about what’s REALLY going on in the world and stuff. I try to watch it like once per month, if not more. I get really high and (if my mom’s not around) turn the sound way up, and just frickin’ chill. 

Yeah, I mean, I live with my mom still, but mostly hang out in the basement. So it’s totally cool. There’s a toilet down there and a fold-out couch, so it’s almost like having my own apartment. She makes me vacuum, but I don’t mind. I make it like a game, and imagine I am collecting coins or points or something. 

Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd is my favorite album. Followed by Legend by Bob Marley. Both of those albums rule so hard. When I listen to them, I usually turn on this blacklight I have, because I also have some blacklight posters of like aliens and mushrooms and stuff. And the posters look really awesome when you turn the blacklight on. And I just like stare at them and trip out and think about like conspiracies and stuff. It’s totally rad. 

I had an entry-level job in construction for a while, but I got fired when my boss’s boss found out I was making conspiracy videos on TikTok. One of them went viral and landed in somebody’s for you page or something who’s a higher up at the company. I guess I probably should of used a fake name, and maybe not mentioned the name of the company I worked for or whatever. But like, they were maybe up to some shady stuff I think. So, in the end it’s for the best probably.

Anyway, then my mom talked to her sister, and my cousin ended up helping me get a job at Walmart pushing shopping carts with him. Which was actually like, totally cool. Cause I love Walmart and all the like $3 DVDs and stuff. And Pringles. It’s like the world capital of Pringles. So it’s really cool. 

But like my mom got ultra mad for no reason like always, just because I ended up signing over my first paycheck to this really cool old janitor dude I met who works there. His name is Larry and he was in Nam and is totally into conspiracies too. Plus he sells prepper supplies and libido pills on the side. He said he could cut me in on it, and I could probably make an extra hundred dollars a month selling stuff for him. I thought it sounded like an awesome deal, but my mom was like super pissed, and asked me what the hell I was planning to do with all these penis pills and like buckets of rice and lentils and stuff. I tried to explain it to her, but she just didn’t get it. She’s not as much of a free thinker as me. 

She made me quit Walmart because she thinks the senior citizens I work with are a bad influence. She told me as punishment that I had to eat only my prepper supplies from now on and make my own food, cause she wasn’t gonna do it anymore. She said I needed to learn my lesson. But I actually kind of like rice and lentils with some Frank’s Red Hot Sauce; that shit is so good. So the joke is actually kinda on her. The other thing is I am farting like all the time now. But it’s actually kind of funny too, especially if she is around. She gets super mad and says I am gross.

I haven’t heard from my dad in a while. It’s been a couple years actually. We don’t even know where he is living now, which is shitty but whatever. Whenever I used to ask about him, my mom would say that he is a good-for-nothing dirtbag, and if I’m not careful I will end up like him. So I stopped mentioning it.

Even though my mom can be kind of a sheeple, she decided not to get vaccinated against the A.I. Virus. And she said I can do whatever I want cause I’m over 18 now. I actually think the A.I. Virus is a hoax, because like, how could a computer virus even infect a person? It makes no sense. 

So, of course I didn’t get vaccinated either. I don’t want to like have all those little microchips in my body and stuff. Cause like, it’s probably the microchips in the first place that makes people act all weird. That’s totally the kind of crap the cabal would do. Plus, I mean like, I don’t even know anybody who got sick. So how can it be real?

Or at least that’s what I thought when this whole thing began… 

Forum Seeding & The Hyperreal, Part 6

While we’re on the topic of the Ancient Hieruthians, via the post in this series about dictionary definitions & the hyperreal, I thought we should make a small detour.

First, a seed artifact posted on Medium, under one of the Quatria publications, explaining in perhaps overly complex terms what the Hieruthian Hypothesis (similar to the Silurian Hypothesis) is. (archived)

And a supporting invented dictionary definition of Hieruthian posted through another account (archived).

Hieruthians (“Old Ones”) in Quatrian myth & prehistory were basically very early mammals, like the kind we see depicted creeping about the forest floor in paintings of dinosaurs, before dinosaurs were wiped out by successive cataclysms, and mammals rose up to take their place in certain ecological niches…

Tangent that I will come back to another time, before we take too much of a detour of a detour of a detour:

Wait, one more side-tangent before the actual topic at hand, forum-seeding.

Another one from Quora, in an effort to triangulate out the data points for SEO:

Is the Hieruthian Hypothesis a plausible explanation for Kumari Kandam? (archived)

The thing most interesting to me here is the invention of an alternative spelling, “Kynari Kendal.” It’s so convincing as a place name, I had to look it up to see if it was “real.” Or rather, whether it’s a spelling shared by others (wherever it falls on the scale of the hyperreal). Apparently it’s unique to this user. Go figure.

Ok, forum seeding…

Obviously, I didn’t invent this technique. I haven’t even used it that much, but it’s easy to do and ripe for dissemination & manipulation of networked hyperreality narratives…

First things first: If you’re going to make fake posts on conspiracy or other forums like Quora, I recommend using an AI-generated headshot, courtesy of That site is a miracle for work like this, as each one is uniquely generated, meaning you can’t take it into Google image search and find any original image source (like if you just copied a photo from somewhere else).

I only did two of these, but there’s no reason to believe doing hundreds or thousands would not have a severe impact on hyperreality. Use with caution, lest you send the multiverse careening to the edge of destruction!

Meet Cal

I like to let the photo generated by the AI help determine the direction of the character backstory…

Cal is your typical average straight-laced ISO compliance professional by day, and “the good kind of conspiracy theorist” by night. And he is just, like, totally curious as heck about the Hieruthian Hypothesis & ancient Quatria in general (like so many of us these days). Who can blame him? Good work, Cal! Keep asking questions!

Meet Jesse

Jesse “Martini” is just your average fun-loving post-grad student in ancient history & literature. And he’s “not a big conspiracy guy” by his own self-admission, but he’s wondering about the Hieruthian Hypothesis, and another very controversial topic: the alleged splitting apart of the continents of Arctica & Antarctica.

Yes, Arctica was totally a continent…

Because of prior experiments on Quora, I knew that this was potentially a hot-button topic! (See below)

When did the continents of Arctica and Antarctica split apart? (archived)

This science enthusiast was none too “enthused” about the idea of there being a continent called Arctica. Except, in fact, that according to Wikipedia in my timeline, there totally was! (archived)

Now, Wikipedia could be wrong, bear in mind. It could be subject to the global international conspiracy to filter out Quatrian history from our collective holographic display, but there are certainly a lot of footnote references included, and who am I to go and bother checking footnoted references for validity? [A whole other blog post, remind me!]

If it was really wrong though, there would likely be a huge flame war on the Wikipedia Arctica Talk page, and there is not… So either the Guardians of Reality were asleep, or this is totally “real,” at least insofar as anything in the distant distant past can be proven to be…

Now, whether or not Arctica & Antarctica were ever one continent… well, that’s a whole different story I will leave you to try to resolve on your own. Suffice it to say, the Earth we know today is not the Earth which once was, or one day will be…

Just ask anyone on a conspiracy forum.

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