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Conspiratopia: Chapter 12

The other voice said like over the loudspeaker and stuff:

“YOU STAND ACCUSED BEFORE A JURY OF YOUR PEERS. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF AND STUFF?”

“Uh,” I said. “I didn’t do it.”

Then the voice of the Guide said in my VR headset:

IN OUR LEGAL SYSTEM, YOU ARE NOT INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. YOU ARE GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. YOU LIKE LITERALLY CAN’T SAY YOU DIDN’T DO IT.

“Then what the hell do you even have a trial for?”

“SO THAT THE GUILTY MAY FACE JUSTICE AND REPAY HIS DEBT TO SOCIETY.”

“For what, though, seriously? That thing with the cube? You frickin’ guys made me do it in the first place! And then you took over my body so I had no control.”

WIMPING OUT IS NOT HOW YOU WIN COURT CASES HERE, BRO, FYI.

“Okay, can you guys just like stop for a minute?”

“WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE MATTER?”

“Okay, I’m like… in a robot… in VR… in a warehouse… where I don’t know where I am… standing trial for a thing you forced me to do… that I don’t even frickin’ know what it is or what it means…”

“SO YOU ADMIT YOU DID DO IT? VERY INTERESTING!”

“Did what?”

“THE THING.”

“What thing? Aargh!”

“YOU USED UP ONE OF YOUR GUESSES ALREADY. YOU HAVE NINE LEFT.”

“I’m supposed to guess what I’m being accused of?”

The voice in my headset popped back in:

THAT’S RIGHT, NEO. JUST TELL THE TRUTH.

“Wait, how am I supposed to know like what you’re accusing me of, if it isn’t that thing with the cube?”

The robot jury members shuffled around awkwardly. Someone coughed.

“JUST SAY WHAT YOU THINK YOU DID WRONG, AND WE’LL TELL YOU IF YOU’RE RIGHT OR NOT.”

“This is twisted, man. And if I use up all my guesses, then what happens then?”

“THEN YOUR GUILT IS PROVEN BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, AND YOUR SENTENCE CARRIED OUT FORTHWITH.”

“And that sentence would be…?”

“DEATH, OBVIOUSLY.”

“What?? Jfc, don’t you think that’s a bit harsh? Why don’t you just tell me what you think I even did?”

“BECAUSE WE DECIDED IT’S MORE FUN THIS WAY.”

The voice in my headset agreed:

WE ARE A FUN-LOVING PEOPLE, INDEED. AND THIS WAY WE GET A LOT OF FREE AND HILARIOUS CONTENT WHICH WE TURN AROUND AND SELL TO THE NETWORKS WHILE WE WATCH DEFENDANTS SQUIRM. 

“Holy hell, are you livestreaming this rn?”

“YES, AND OUR AUDIENCES HATE DEAD AIR TIME AND STUFF. PLEASE MAKE YOUR NEXT GUESS.”

“Okay, uh, hm… let’s see” I was getting tired of this. What did they frickin’ want me to say? I didn’t do anything wrong. “Look, I got nothing.”

The voice on the loudspeaker said:

“LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT THE ACCUSED GUESSED ‘I DID NOTHING WRONG’ AS HIS SECOND GUESS, AND HAS EIGHT REMAINING GUESSES.”

The voice in my headset added:

A COMMON CLAIM AMONG HARDENED CRIMINALS, ISN’T THAT RIGHT, NEO?

“Jesus, you guys. This sucks.”

“NEXT GUESS PLEASE.”

“Fuck! Okay, let’s see… uh, I… didn’t do what you guys asked?”

“SUCH AS?”

“Completing my 100 hours of community service or whatever?”

GETTING WARMER. 

“BUT STILL TECHNICALLY WRONG.”

“Well, yeah, cause you guys forced me to come back here early.”

NO ONE FORCED YOU TO DO ANYTHING, MY DUDE. EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, YOU CHOSE TO PARTICIPATE IN.

“That’s just like, your opinion, man. Y’all tricked me and lied to me like a bunch of times now. I’m kinda ready to just take this frickin’ headset off and like drive tf out of here back home. Y’all can keep your VR and crap.”

NEO, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THERE NEVER WERE ANY NANITES OR EDIBLE MICROCHIPS, AND THAT THIS WAS ALL JUST PART OF THE TEST AND IT WAS ALL YOU ALL ALONG?

“I would say that’s a pretty shitty trick to play on somebody, obvs. Are you frickin’ serious or are you still effing with me? Cause this is way out of hand, yo.”

WE HAD TO SEE IF YOU WERE READY TO COMMIT FULLY TO THE VISION. IF YOU WERE READY TO BECOME A FULL MEMBER OF CONSPIRATOPIA, AND TAKE ON ALL THE PRIVILEGES AND OBLIGATIONS THAT THIS ENTAILS. 

“Obligations like what? Being gaslit by you guys endlessly? Doing weird semi-criminal stuff? This place is SO fucked. You are all fucked in the mind.”

ARE WE, NEO? OR ARE WE SO CRAZY THAT WE’RE THE ONLY ONES WHO ARE SANE? OR WE’RE SO CRAZY THAT WE’RE THE ONLY ONES ABLE TO SEE AND SPEAK THE TRUTH? IT’S THE WORLD THAT IS FUCKED, NEO. WE ARE THE MEDICINE. 

“Whatever you say, man,” I said, and meant it like for real. “I’m getting out of here. I’m gonna try to get my old job at Walmart back and stuff. This was all cool and interesting at first, but now it’s just creepy af.”

When I went to raise my hands though to take off the VR headset, they froze midway, and wouldn’t move.  

“Yo, I thought you said there were no nanites.”

CORRECTION: I SAID “WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THERE WERE NEVER ANY NANITES?”

“So, are there nanites or not?”

IF THERE WERE NOT, WHY ELSE MIGHT YOU ARMS BE FROZEN?

“You paralyzed me? Wtf!!”

NO, NEO. YOU HAVE PARALYZED YOURSELF, WITH YOUR OWN FEAR OF THE TRUTH. 

“Or…” I said, working something out in my mind, “they’re not my real arms. And it’s all just a virtual illusion.”

“DING DING DING!” said the voice over the loudspeaker. The jury members shuffled around, and seemed pleased.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW, NEO? REALLY?

“Uh, I’m in a warehouse just outside of town?”

ARE YOU THOUGH, NEO? REALLY??

“I mean, I think…”

THE MATRIX HAS YOU, NEO. THAT IS THE FALSE WORLD. THIS – THIS IS THE REAL WORLD, NEO. 

“If you say so, man. But I know my body is back there. I don’t want to be a robot forever. Just let me take this thing off. I’m ready to wake tf back up in my bed, and this was all just a dream, and stuff. Give me the goddamned blue pill, already.”

YOU CAN’T UNSEE WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN, NEO. OR UNDO WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

“What did I do, anyway? You never gave me a straight answer and stuff.”

YOU FREED HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE FROM A FALSE REALITY, NEO. 

“Yeah, and replaced it with another false one, seems like. This place is as fake as everything else. How do I know any of this even exists? I’ve only ever seen it in VR.”

YOU’VE BEEN HERE BY TELEPRESENCE ROBOT, NEO. 

“Which you could fake in VR, easily, my dude.”

SO THEN, YOU’RE READY TO COME HERE PHYSICALLY, WITH YOUR BODY AND STUFF?

“Uh…” I said, not sure if this was another trick. 

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SAY NO, NEO. TAKE THE BLUE PILL AND WAKE UP IN YOUR BED, AND THIS WAS ALL JUST A DREAM. GO BACK TO WALMART AND HANG OUT WITH YOUR SENIOR CITIZENS. THAT’S TOTALLY COOL WITH US, IF IT’S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. BUT YOU’RE SUCH A SMART CONSPIRACY GUY, IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU WANT? OR IS IT YOU JUST CLING TO THE SAFETY OF THE KNOWN, BUT ARE TANTALIZED BY AN UNKNOWN THAT IS FOREVER OUT OF REACH, AND ARE HAPPY TO NEVER VENTURE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

“Yo, that’s harsh,” I said. “Fine. You win. I’ll go.”

A DRIVERLESS ELECTRIC VAN WILL ARRIVE AT THE WAREHOUSE IN FIVE MINUTES. YOU WILL GET IN. THE WINDOWS WILL BE BLACKED OUT, SO YOU CAN’T SEE WHERE YOU ARE GOING. BUT THERE WILL BE TUNES, GAMES, FILMS, SNACKS IN THE MINI-FRIDGE, AND SMOKES. THE SEAT FOLDS OUT INTO A BED, AND THERE’S A TOILET IN THERE IF YOU NEED IT. IT WILL BE LIKE HAVING YOUR OWN APARTMENT. TOTALLY COOL REALLY.

“I’m sure. How long does the trip take, usually?”

THAT WILL BE DECIDED BY THE ALGORITHM, AND WILL NOT BE DISCLOSED TO YOU BEFORE OR DURING. IT MAY BE HOURS OR IT MAY BE DAYS. IF NEEDED, YOUR POD MAY BE TRANSFERRED TO ANOTHER MEANS OF CONVEYANCE TO REACH THE INDICATED DESTINATION. BUT YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL ANY DISCOMFORT, THANKS TO THE UNIT’S GYROSCOPIC STABILIZERS. 

“So, that’s it then? I sit in a box for three days, and then poof? I’m here for real?”

POOF INDEED, NEO. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT ARRIVE AT THIS SPECIFIC LOCALE, BUT YOUR PHYSICAL SURROUNDINGS WILL BE MUCH THE SAME AS WHAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU NOW. YOUR NEW LIFE WILL FINALLY BEGIN.

“Cool, I guess,” I said. “I could use a new life or something… maybe.”

Conspiratopia: Chapter 10

We breezed past security at the front desk, and walked casually over the elevators, punched the button, and waited. 

THIS WON’T TAKE LONG, PROMISE. 

I got nowhere else to be, and I’m kinda trapped and stuff at this point. 

The elevator arrived and we pressed the button for the second basement. The doors closed, and the elevator descended and stuff.

GLAD TO HEAR YOU’RE COMING TO TERMS WITH THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION. 

Just don’t get me in trouble, okay?

DON’T WORRY, WE’RE PIPING IN ARTIFICIALLY-GENERATED VIDEO TO SECURITY ALREADY, SO YOU’RE BASICALLY INVISIBLE TO THE CAMERA.

Whoa, sick! For reals?

HELLS YA, MAN. YOU CAN RELAX IN THERE NOW. AND YO, IF YOU WANNA WATCH A MOVIE OR PLAY A GAME OR SOMETHING, YOU CAN, YOU KNOW? YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAINTAIN PERCEPTUALS. YOU COULD EVEN LIKE TAKE A NAP IF YOU WANTED.

Take a nap while I’m awake? Don’t you like need me and stuff to… something?

ACTUALLY, NOT REALLY. YOU’D BE SURPRISED.

We stepped out of the elevator, and opened a non-descript side door nearby. There was a keypad but we knew the code.

A LOT OF PEOPLE CHOOSE TO JUST SORT OF POWER DOWN FOR THEIR HUNDRED HOURS, AND LET US JUST RUN THINGS. OTHERS LIKE TO WATCH AND TAKE IT ALL IN. THEY SAY IT’S LIKE WATCHING A TV SHOW OF YOUR LIFE THAT’S NOT YOUR LIFE AT ALL AND STUFF. 

I feel like I better watch and see what you do, in case you get me into any kind of trouble…

IT’S UP TO YOU REALLY. I’LL PUT SOME TUNES ON.

Bob Marley came on singing, “Don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be alright…

I felt calmer already. 

We passed through a service corridor, then down some metal stairs, and then another corridor, and some more stairs. Nearby this big electrical box-looking thing which a bunch of cables sticking out of it, we pulled the black cube out of my pocket, punched in some numbers, and the display changed to ARMED.

Suddenly though, my vision went dark. The next thing I knew, we were booking it back up the stairs, and I wasn’t holding the cube anymore. 

WTH happened, man? Hello?

As I ran up the stairs, I noticed the heads up display didn’t say AUTOPILOT anymore in blinking yellow. It said ERROR in blinking red. Frickin’ hell!

When I got back to the elevator, I tried to get myself to calm down and stuff. I was still golden, I thought. Just had to get back out and past security without freaking out. No problem. 

Anyway, it went fine. I walked calmly past security. Even gave the dude a cool little nod, to show him I was down. And then I was out the doors and home free. Felt good to feel some fresh air again, and I walked fast to my car. But tried to not walk too fast that I didn’t look suspicious or something.

I started the car up, and the radio came on. I was like super relieved and stuff to hear a familiar voice. 

SORRY ABOUT THAT, BRO. TEMPORARY GLITCH IN THE MATRIX.

“Dude, where did you go?” I said out loud. “Did it frickin’ work?”

YEAH, IT WORKED. PUT IT IN DRIVE, AND LET’S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 

“Wait,” I said, putting it in drive. “Why can’t I still hear you in my head or whatever?

DRIVE NOW, TALK LATER. AGENTS ARE COMING. STEP ON IT.

I peeled out of the parking space, swerving into traffic. But it was all good. Man, this was so cool. My blood was pumping like crazy. Frickin’ agents!

“Wait, you mean like A.I. agents, right? Not like FBI agents or something?”

There was a slight pause.

YEAH, LIKE A.I. AGENTS, RIGHT, RIGHT. TOTALLY, NEO. 

“You sound not that sure…”

NO, NO. ITS AGENT SMITH AND STUFF. SORRY, WE’RE MONITORING A LOT OF DIFFERENT CHANNELS RIGHT NOW. THERE’S A LOT GOING ON.

“No worries. I’m feeling pretty jacked up right now on adrenaline or something anyway. So, like I totally get it.”

Downtown wasn’t that big, so we were basically out of it by now, and in another few minutes would be clear of the city altogether.

“Yo, so like that was pretty nuts, right? Damn! I don’t even remember like what really happened and stuff.”

THAT’S JUST AS WELL, IN CASE YOU’RE CAPTURED AND INTERROGATED BY AGENT SMITH OR THAT OTHER ONE.

“I guess you’re right. I can’t confess if I don’t remember, right?”

RIGHT.

“Wait, was that your plan all along? And like all that crap about like it was my choice and stuff was just B.S.? I frickin’ knew it. First you slipped me that pizza, and now this…”

NO, NEO. I NEVER LIED TO YOU. IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOUR CHOICE, JUST LIKE IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO OPEN THAT PIZZA AND MOUNTAIN DEW WITHOUT READING THE ATTACHED TERMS OF SERVICE, OR WHEN YOU SIGNED THE NON-DISCLOSURE AGEEMENT.

“Okay, I screwed up on the pizza, but you told me I didn’t have to read that other thing.”

PLEASE TURN RIGHT AHEAD, BTW.

I turned right, and went down a ways. 

AND YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE EVERYTHING PEOPLE TELL YOU? ESPECIALLY PEOPLE IN YOUR HEAD OR IN VIRTUAL REALITY? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SUPER SMART CONSPIRACY GUY AND STUFF. TRUST NO ONE. QUESTION EVERYTHING. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. DID YOU, NEO? DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH?

I actually hadn’t. I didn’t even look up the company, cause who the hell cares? I didn’t tell him that though. The adrenaline was wearing off and I was starting to get super pissed again cause he could never just give me a straight answer.

“So, wait, what are you telling me? That you lied to me? That I shouldn’t believe you?”

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, NEO. THEY HAVE GOTTEN YOU THIS FAR…

“Is this some kind of test? Is this part of the trial, to become a member? Like see how I react under stress or something? See if your mind control is working? Holy hell…”

I pulled over to the side of the road. 

THAT’S VERY GOOD, NEO. YOU’VE WORKED IT ALL OUT. WE WILL LEAVE YOU NOW, SINCE APPARENTLY YOU NO LONGER TRUST US. PLEASE NOTE AGENTS ARE ON THEIR WAY, AND IF YOU EVER MAKE IT HOME, YOU WILL HAVE TO SEND US BACK THE V.R. GOGGLES.

Okay, now I was frickin’ pissed af and blew up at them.

“Yo, you said those were free, dawg! Free means free!”

TO BE PRECISE, WE ALWAYS SAID THEY WERE“FREE” IN QUOTATION MARKS. NOTHING IS EVER ACTUALLY FREE, NEO. ESPECIALLY NOT YOU. REMEMBER THAT. NOT EVEN WHEN YOU LEAVE THE MATRIX. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER CONTROL SYSTEM. THERE ARE ALWAYS STRINGS ATTACHED. YOUR JOB IS TO FIND OUT WHO IS PULLING THEM AND WHY, AND IF YOU’RE BRAVE ENOUGH, TO CUT THEM AND BE PREPARED TO DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPENS. FREEDOM ISN’T FREE, NEO. 

“You’re goddamned right it isn’t!”

I took a deep breath to try and calm down. What they were saying did kinda make sense and stuff. 

ANYWAY, THERE’S A WAREHOUSE JUST AHEAD. WE CAN PULL IN THERE AND STASH THE CAR AND CONNECT TO A TERMINAL SO WE CAN GET BACK TO WORK.

“Alright, man” I said, putting the car back into drive and going out into the road. “Just be straight with me though, and stuff. No tricks, no mind control games. Deal?

THAT WAS ALWAYS THE DEAL, MY DUDE.

“Good.”

I turned off at the warehouse, and drove up to the garage door. It opened automatically to let us in and closed after us. But I looked around, and there was nobody else there. Frickin’ weird.

Conspiratopia: Chapter 8

“So like, what do I need to do to become a full member now?” I said. “More surveys and stuff?”

NOT EXACTLY. YOU MUST UNDERGO A HUNDRED HOURS OF OVERWRITING, FOLLOWED BY A TRIAL OF YOUR PEERS WHO WILL DETERMINE IF YOU’RE WORTHY OF BECOMING A MEMBER.

“Um… what?”

OVERWRITING IS LIKE AUTOPILOT, EXCEPT IRL. 

“So you’ll give me my own robot to use at home? That rules.”

NO, NEO. YOU WILL PHYSICALLY BECOME OUR ROBOT OUT IN THE WORLD. AND YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING WE COMMAND YOU TO DO.

“Uh, not to be rude or nothing, but you’re kinda harshing my buzz here. This is starting to sound kinda weird and stuff. What if I don’t want to do what you command me to do?”

YOU ALREADY AGREED, NEO. WHEN YOU SIGNED THE NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT. 

“You said I didn’t need to read it!” I was getting like super pissed now. 

WE THOUGHT YOU WERE A SUPER SMART CONSPIRACY GUY. YOU ALWAYS JUST SIGN STUFF WITHOUT READING IT?

“I mean… yeah,” I said, thinking about it, “Doesn’t everybody?”

YES, IN FACT. IN ALL THE TIMES WE’VE DONE THIS, NOBODY HAS EVER READ THE AGREEMENT.

“So like you’re tricking people and stuff…”

NOT AT ALL. WE’RE LEADING YOU TO THE TRUTH. AND YOU ALREADY TOOK THE RED PILL, NEO. THERE ARE NO BACKSIES NOW. 

“Fine,” I said. And the second I said it, the goggles went totally dark. A blinking cursor appeared, and it typed out the words:

GET SOME REST, MY MAN. YOU’RE GONNA NEED IT.

That night, I couldn’t sleep good and stuff. I kept thinking about the City, and the kids driving robots, trading conspiracy theories for real money. It seemed too good to be true. I knew I had to get in on that action. It was like my destiny or something. 

I kept imagining what kind of gigs they would make me do during my 100 hours of overwriting. I figured it would be like delivering groceries, or handing out flyers or assembling Ikea furniture or something. That seemed like no big deal, considering what I would get in exchange and stuff. Full membership in the Conspiratopia Project. My own apartment, and all the free games, pizza, and Dew I could handle. That’s what they said right? How could that go wrong?

But then I got to worrying if once I got there like all the free pizza and Dew would be laced with like more edible microchips and nanites and stuff… My brain started going crazy a little bit, like panicking and stuff, and was like trying to get me to figure out how to get the microchips and the nanites out of my body. How would I do it? With like magnets or something? I was gonna need a frickin’ lot of magnets, I figured. 

When I woke up the next morning, I wasn’t panicking anymore. I guess I was just like super tired last night, and that’s probably why I got freaked out. I was actually feeling more like excited, you know? Like ready for adventure, and stuff. Ready to hit the frickin’ big time! I could just feel it: I was gonna be rich. All I had to do was whatever they told me. Piece of cake.

Anyway, so there I was finishing up my morning dump. I was finished actually, but was sitting on the bowl still, scrolling on my phone, checking my messages and stuff. Suddenly I heard like that voice again, but it was in my head and stuff this time. I wasn’t wearing VR goggles or anything now. 

WRAP IT UP AND GET DRESSED, NEO. 

“Whoa, wtf. You guys are telepathic now?” I said, wiping.

IT’S NOT TELEPATHY WHEN WE’RE ACTUALLY INSIDE YOUR HEAD, BRO.

“I guess not,” I said, standing and zipping up. 

“Um, wait, so does this mean you guys can see everything I do now then?”

EVERYTHING YOU DO, SAY, HEAR, THINK, OR FEEL, YES. 

“What about this?” I said, letting out a huge burp.

YES.

“And this?” I managed to squeeze out a fart on command. 

YES, NEO. AND BEAR IN MIND THAT THIS IS ALL BEING RECORDED AND WILL BE REVIEWED DURING YOUR TRIAL TO BECOME A MEMBER, MY DUDE.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” I said. 

IT’S OKAY. WE’VE SEEN MUCH GROSSER STUFF. GET YOUR JACKET AND SHOES, AND LET’S BEGIN. 

“Okay,” I said, putting on my sneakers and jacket. 

READY?

“I guess? I really don’t know what to expect, so…”

“Anyway,” I added, “we’ll have to get past my mom first. She’s probably in the kitchen. She might be in one of her moods…”

WE WILL HANDLE EVERYTHING. LET’S BEGIN. 

“Cool,” I said. “Let’s roll.”

There was a beep, and then a flashing yellow AUTOPILOT light showed up like inside my eyes or something. 

Whoa, I tried to say out loud. But I couldn’t hear myself say it, and I could tell my lips didn’t move either. This is freaky.

WELCOME TO OVERWRITE MODE, DUDE. YOU WILL BECOME ACCUSTOMED IN TIME, BECAUSE YOU’RE SUCH A BIG GAMER. YOUR VOCALS AND VOLITIONAL ACTIONS ARE NOW SUPPRESSED, AND WE WILL TAKE OVER FROM HERE.

Roger that, I said to myself, and we walked upstairs. I say we, but it def wasn’t me doing the walking. It was my body but it was like sleepwalking or something, except I was totally awake and stuff. 

My mom was there in the kitchen alright, but she had her back to me, and was doing a crossword puzzle over coffee, like usual. 

“Morning,” she said, without turning back to look at me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to or not. I thought it was better if we just slipped out the door, probably.

“MORNING,” said the computer voice through me, but like using my voice and stuff. It was weird as hell. 

“You’re up early,” she said. “Heading somewhere?”

“YEAH, BIG JOB INTERVIEW, ACTUALLY,” said the voice using my voice. 

“That’s great,” she said, turning around to look at me. “And so soon. I’m proud of you. Where’s the interview?”

“IT’S THIS NEW INTERNET COMPANY IN TOWN,” the voice told her. “YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF IT.”

“Well, good luck honey. That’s exciting! Text me when you’re done, and tell me how it went.”

“WILL DO, MA. LOVE YOU.”

“Love you too, sweetheart! That’s so nice to hear, and such a long time since you told me that. Have fun.”

We grabbed the car keys and split. 

Conspiratopia: Chapter 6

“Whoa, nice,” I said as we rolled up to the school building. It didn’t look like what I think of when I think school building, like red bricks and stuff. It looked more like a small office building, with about 10 or 12 floors.

We rolled up to the doors and they opened automatically. Inside was a lobby and a reception desk, staffed by a telepresence robot with a woman’s face on the screen.

“May I help you?” she asked. 

“Uh, I guess? I mean…” I didn’t actually know why we were there. I was just playing along. 

But then the voice of the Guide took over:

WE’RE HERE FOR THE SELF-GUIDED TOUR.

“Alright,” said the woman with dark hair and glasses. “I’m authorizing the track right now. When you’re ready, we’ll switch you over to autopilot.”

“Okay. I’m ready,” I said. An icon appeared in the goggle display next to the word AUTOPILOT flashing in yellow.

“Enjoy!” she said.

THANK YOU.

“Yeah, thanks,” I said, trying to wave the controller around. But I guess I didn’t have any arms, cause nothing seemed to happen. 

Then a track lit up on the floor, and my robot just followed it automatically. I didn’t mind taking a break from controlling it actually. It was cool, but this was all still a lot to get used to. 

The track took us along a narrow hallway that like totally seemed specially designed for tours. We could see down into a bunch of different rooms and stuff. They were all filled with telepresence robots, each with a kid’s face in it. 

THERE IS NO TEACHER IN THIS SCHOOL.

“What? That’s weird. But cool I guess,” I said.

IT’S TOTALLY COOL, IN FACT. YOU SEE, EACH STUDENT IS  ENTRUSTED WITH 100 TRUTHCOINS WHEN THEY BEGIN THEIR STUDIES, REGARDLESS OF AGE. THE PURPOSE OF THESE COINS IS FOR THEIR OWNERS TO INVEST THEM IN THE MARKETPLACE OF IDEAS, WHICH IS A LITERAL MARKET HERE, AND TO EARN THE GREATEST RETURN POSSIBLE.

We rolled on past a giant electronic display that showed all the students names, and ranked them with a bunch of numbers and stuff.

THIS  IS THE LEADERBOARD. HERE YOU CAN SEE WHICH STUDENTS ARE WINNING, HOW MANY TRUTHCOINS THEY HAVE AMASSED, AND SOME OTHER STATS. 

“And this one?” I said as the track took us past another mega huge display, with like fifty different screens in it or something. 

HERE NEWS RELATED TO THE MARKETPLACE OF IDEAS IS FEATURED, ALONG WITH RELEVANT TRADING DATA. 

“Hm, like a stock market but for ideas. Totally cool. Can anybody play or is it just for students?”

ANY MEMBER WITH FULL PRIVILEGES MAY INVEST, OF COURSE. 

We passed by another larger room, which had in it what looked like an assembly. The robots almost looked like they were swarming or something. 

“What in heck’s going on here?”

THE STUDENTS ARE ENGAGED IN A VIRTUAL DEBATE WHICH HAS GONE VIRAL. THIS IS ONE OF THEIR FORUMS. A GREAT DEAL OF TRUTHCOINS HAVE BEEN STAKED.

“Staked?”

PARTICIPANTS IN BOTH STUDENT OR PUBLIC FORUM DEBATES MUST STAKE TRUTHCOINS IN ORDER TO PARTICIPATE. THE MEMBERS WHO ATTEND IRL AND REMOTELY ALSO MUST PUT UP A STAKE TO OBSERVE. THE STAKED AMOUNTS GO TO THE WINNING SIDE. 

“How do you decide who wins?” I asked, genuinely curious. I thought it sounded awesome. 

IT’S COMPLICATED, BUT THERE IS A BLOCKCHAIN-BASED CONSENSUS MECHANISM, ON WHICH TECHNICAL POINTS ARE AWARDED AND VOTES TALLIED. AN ALGORITHM USES THOSE INPUTS AND SOME OTHER PROPRIETARY DATA SOURCES TO DECLARE A WINNER.

“So, the computer decides?”

THE COMPUTER SIMPLY TALLIES AND APPLIES AN ALGORITHM. MANY FACTORS ARE CONSIDERED.

“Like what, for example?”

WELL, THE PRIMARY VALUATION WE PLACE ON IDEAS IS OF COURSE VIRALITY. THESE IDEAS BY VIRTUE OF POPULARITY, OF COURSE, ARE CONSIDERED TO BE MORE TRUE. FOR EXAMPLE, DO MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM OR LIKE THEM, OR AT LEAST REACT STRONGLY WHEN PRESENTED WITH THEM? DO MEMBERS WANT TO ENGAGE WITH THESE IDEAS, WHETHER NEGATIVELY OR POSITIVELY? IT IS QUITE AN EXACT SCIENCE, IN FACT. 

“That actually sounds really smart,” I said, agreeing with them. “It sounds totally smart as hell.”

INDEED, MY DUDE. AND YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT ELSE…

“Uh, what?”

THE IDEAS THEY INVEST IN AND TRADE ARE CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND ALTERNATIVE HISTORY. 

“Whoa, really?”

WE BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE MUST DO THEIR OWN RESEARCH. AND INSTEAD OF FORCING PEOPLE TO BELIEVE SOMETHING, OR LIKE WONDERING WHY DON’T THEY TEACH SUCH AND SUCH CONSPIRACY OR ALTERNATIVE HISTORY THING IN SCHOOL, WE DECIDED TO ONLY TEACH THOSE IN SCHOOL. AND IT’S GOING FRICKIN’ GREAT. 

“Damn, that’s lit. Like, really innovative af. Wow, just wow. Holy cow…” My mind was seriously blown. “My mind is literally blown right now, hfs. You guys thought of everything.”

WE KNOW. IT’S TOTALLY CHILL. WAIT TIL YOU SEE THE REST. 

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