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Conspiratopia: Chapter 15

“Dad, what are you doing here and stuff?” I said. 

“Dude,” he said, “you wouldn’t believe it. Shit has been crazy this past little bit. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to get in touch.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Have you been here this whole time?”

“Come, come inside,” he said. We stood by the open doorway of like a giant empty warehouse or something. I noticed there were still security cameras everywhere.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been mostly here and stuff. And there,” he said, “before, you know. Coming here.”

“I think I know what you mean,” I said. 

“Dad,” I asked, looking around at the cameras, and lowering my voice so only he could hear me. “Did they slip you nanites too?”

“That was, uh, after my time and stuff,” he said. 

“Gotcha.”

“So, uh, what is this place, anyway?” I said. 

“Maintanence & Storage Space 25-Alpha,” he said, very officially, and stuff. “Of the Conspiratopia Project, of the Northern Gestalt.”

“Uh… right,” I said. “Right. And, uh, what happens now?”

“I’m not really sure, bro” he told me. “I got a notification to come up here to open the door, with no other instructions or anything.”

“Weird,” I said. “Well, uh, what were you doing before you came up here?”

“Come on,” he said, walking toward the far side of the warehouse. “I’ll show you.”

I hadn’t seen it before, but there was a door on the far wall that was camouflaged almost, like the same color and texture as the wall. If you didn’t know what to look for, you might not even see it. My dad punched in a code on a keypad next to it that was also kinda disguised. The door unlocked, and we went in. It turned out to be a smallish elevator. There was just one button inside, and he pressed it, and I could tell we were descending. 

“Wtf,” I said. “It’s underground?”

“Mmhm.”

It actually took kind of a while of going down before we stopped and stuff. 

“Wow, we must be pretty deep,” I said. 

“Yep,” was all he said. 

The door opened, and he motioned for me to follow him. We went out into this long hallway tunnel thing that kinda sloped downward just a little bit. 

At the end of it, there was another doorway, this one not hidden or whatever. My dad punched in another set of numbers onto the keypad, and it opened. 

When we stepped through, my mind was pretty much blown. We were in like a fancy shopping mall type thing, but I guess it was totally underground? Except, you couldn’t really tell that it was underground because there were tropical plants like inside and also outside the windows and stuff. And like there was sunlight coming in through the windows, and you could see a sort of hazy blue sky and clouds and everything. 

My dad saw me looking up at the sky and stuff, and was like, “Dude, holograms.”

“Omfg,” I said. “But what about inside, like the shops and the building and stuff? Holograms too?”

“Nope,” he said. “All real.”

“Goddamn, this is nuts,” I said. It really was nuts. I couldn’t believe how nuts it was. 

A few people walked by, carrying shopping bags and stuff. They were dressed like rich people you see at vacation towns near the beach. They didn’t seem to notice us.

After that, a couple of those telepresence robot things drove by, like I’d seen earlier. The iPads on a stick with wheels, basically. With a person’s face on the screen. Controlling them from who knows where. 

“So, this is it, then,” I said. “The City, or whatever. I made it…”

He smiled at me, and said, “You made it, Matty. I’m so glad to see you.”

“Me too, dad.”

“I’m sorry things got so fucked up.”

“I know,” I said. “Me too.”

“It’s my fault. I acted like a douche, and stuff.”

I didn’t say anything, but smiled, kind of agreeing.

“But I’ve got a new life or something now. And you’re here. We got another chance. We’re pretty lucky, cause most people don’t get that.”

“We’re super lucky, dad,” I agreed. 

“Hey, uh, is there a food court around here or anything? I’m frickin’ starving,” I said.

“Yeah, man. Me too. Let’s go, and I can show you our place later.”

“Our place?” I said.

“Yeah, well, my place. But like, obvs you can stay with me,” he said, pointing me toward the food court. “You know, if you want to, or whatever. I don’t know how long you’re staying and stuff, or really even like if you’re staying. Or how you got here or, well, frickin’ anything. I’m just so happy to see you, Matty. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, dad. I’m happy to. I’ll tell you everything after I get like a frickin’ burger in me and stuff. All I had was like Cheetos and a couple Slim Jims and stuff. And like Powerade and a Rockstar…”

“Totes,” he said. “I know just the place.”

Conspiratopia: Chapter 5

WELCOME, NEO. 

“Thanks, yo,” I replied, looking around. 

WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.

Inside the gate was a shining city on a hill and stuff, and in the middle this big ass park. The whole place was huge and colorful and seemed frickin’ amazing. It was literally glowing. Like supernatural almost or something. I thought it must be some kind of VR filter probably, and turned my head back and forth a little to check. It seemed legit. 

Up on the hill, in the middle was a giant dome. It looked awesome. 

THAT’S THE FREEDOME. IT’S WHERE THE PEOPLE OF THIS PLACE GATHER TO CELEBRATE THEIR FREEDOM. WITH LIKE FIREWORKS AND STUFF. 

“Wow, rad,” I said. “Fireworks inside a dome though?”

YEAH, DON’T WORRY. THE DOME OPENS.

“Got it,” I nodded. “So, uh, like where I am and stuff?”

THIS PLACE IS SIMPLY CALLED THE CITY.

“Well, that makes sense, I guess.”

BUT THE WHOLE THING IS CALLED THE CONSPIRATOPIA PROJECT. WE ARE A DISTRIBUTED AUTONOMOUS POLITY.

“Wild,” I said, not wanting to show I didn’t really know what that means.

As I turned to look at everything, I heard a noise like gears whirring or something. I tried to look down at the ground, and saw wheels, and like a pole or something.

“What’s my build here?” I asked, genuinely curious. 

TELEPRESENCE ROBOT. IT’S BASICALLY AN IPAD ON A STICK AND SOME WHEELS. 

“Whoa, rad,” I said. And then was like, wait a minute… “I thought this was VR though?”

CONSPIRATOPIA IS A REAL PLACE, MY DUDE.

“Wait, what?”

SIX REAL PLACES, IN FACT. GEOGRAPHICALLY DISTRIBUTED ACROSS CONTINENTS AMONG NEUTRAL HOST NATIONS. AND SIX VIRTUAL PLACES, ALSO TOTALLY DECENTRALIZED AF. 

“Huh, pretty cool,” I said. I moved forward a little bit, testing my robot build. It was pretty responsive. The streets everywhere were like totally paved with like a super smooth flooring or something that was wicked shiny. I thought smartly to myself, must be built for good robot traction.

“But you know, uh, I thought this was like an online survey job? Cause like, that’s what the ad said and I did like hundreds already today.”

THAT’S JUST HOW WE RECRUIT SUPER SMART PEOPLE AND FREE THINKERS AND STUFF WHO LIKE TO EARN MONEY ONLINE AT HOME. 

“Well, that actually makes sense,” I said, agreeing with them.

AND LIKE SUPER SMART PEOPLE WHO SCORE ABOVE A CERTAIN THRESHOLD ON STUFF GET LIKE, YOU KNOW, PROMOTED TO THE NEXT LEVEL. 

“A promotion?”

UNPAID, OF COURSE.

“Uh, of course. But like… uh, I’m gonna make money right?”

OH YEAH, EVENTUALLY. LOTS OF MONEY. TOTALLY.

“Cool, just making sure,” I said. I didn’t want to look like ungrateful or something, so I added, “Cause, you know, my mom would be super mad if I didn’t get paid.”

TOTALLY. YOU ALREADY GOT THE FREE VR GLASSES, PIZZA AND MOUNTAIN DEW THOUGH RIGHT? 

“Hells yeah,” I said. 

SO YOU CAN TOTALLY TRUST US. WHY WOULD WE LIE TO YOU?

I thought about it, but had like literally no idea why they would lie about it. And it was true, I totally got all that free stuff already. It seemed like a great deal. 

“Anyway,” I said, “who are ‘we’, by the way?”

YOU MAY CALL ME THE GUIDE. CAUSE I WILL BE YOUR GUIDE AND STUFF. 

“Dope,” I said, moving forward a little. “Cool if we go explore?”

BY ALL MEANS. 

The robot had a really smooth ride. It seemed really cool. But I got the impression it was like only a sort of basic model, and they probably had better ones – just like the VR glasses. 

I rolled around a lot, and saw what looked like a mixture of shops and homes. I didn’t see any people though. 

“Where is everybody?” I asked. 

THE PEOPLE ARE AT WORK, OR AT THE FORUMS.

“Cool, you have your own local message boards? That’s rad. I bet the wifi must be really good here, right?”

NOT THAT KIND OF FORUM, MY DUDE. THOUGH WE DO HAVE SOME OF THOSE TOO. AND OUR WIFI IS INSANE, YEAH.

“What do you mean not ‘that kind of forum?’”

NOT WEB FORUMS. REAL FORUMS. 

“Zuh?” I said.

A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE DEBATE THE TRUTH, BUT IRL.

Whaa? That exists? Unreal!”

YEAH, MAN. IT’S NUTS. WE’LL GO LATER. 

Further up the hill the buildings looked more official, or like old-style or something. I figured the forums must be up there. But we took a right turn, to go down this street that cut around the hill. 

We went for a while, looking at the scenery and stuff. I could see in a few shops there were other telepresence robots and a few of them were talking to each other in the same room. But most of them seemed to be talking to somebody who wasn’t there in front of them. I guess they must be talking to each other over wifi or something. 

I noticed that the battery display for my robot was down a little to like 76%. We hadn’t been going that long, but I guess a lot of it was uphill. 

YEAH, BATTERY LIFE ON THESE THINGS ISN’T GREAT STILL. BUT WE’RE WORKING ON IT. IF IT RUNS OUT, WE CAN JUST SNAG ANOTHER ONE, AND SOMEONE WILL DRAG THE CURRENT UNIT TO A DOCKING STATION.

“Whoa, sick. This totally rules.”

I KNOW. WE’RE WORKING ON THIS CONDUCTIVE RESIN FLOORING STUFF TOO, THAT’S LIKE ELECTRIFIED AND WHATNOT. SO IT WOULD CHARGE THE ROBOTS WHILE YOU’RE STANDING OR ROLLING. BUT LIKE IT’S NOT FULLY WORKED OUT YET. 

Damn, I thought. These guys really thought of everything. So frickin’ cool. 

TURN LEFT UP HERE, AND GO DOWN THAT ALLEY. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING SPECIAL.

“What is it?”

A SCHOOL.

“You have schools? Whoa.”

HELL YEAH, WE DO. AND THEY’RE TOTALLY RAD. CHECK IT OUT. 

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