Tag: pizza

Conspiratopia: Chapter 10

On 17 August 2021

We breezed past security at the front desk, and walked casually over the elevators, punched the button, and waited.

THIS WON’T TAKE LONG, PROMISE.

I got nowhere else to be, and I’m kinda trapped and stuff at this point.

The elevator arrived and we pressed the button for the second basement. The doors closed, and the elevator descended and stuff.

GLAD TO HEAR YOU’RE COMING TO TERMS WITH THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION.

Just don’t get me in trouble, okay?

DON’T WORRY, WE’RE PIPING IN ARTIFICIALLY-GENERATED VIDEO TO SECURITY ALREADY, SO YOU’RE BASICALLY INVISIBLE TO THE CAMERA.

Whoa, sick! For reals?

HELLS YA, MAN. YOU CAN RELAX IN THERE NOW. AND YO, IF YOU WANNA WATCH A MOVIE OR PLAY A GAME OR SOMETHING, YOU CAN, YOU KNOW? YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAINTAIN PERCEPTUALS. YOU COULD EVEN LIKE TAKE A NAP IF YOU WANTED.

Take a nap while I’m awake? Don’t you like need me and stuff to… something?

ACTUALLY, NOT REALLY. YOU’D BE SURPRISED.

We stepped out of the elevator, and opened a non-descript side door nearby. There was a keypad but we knew the code.

A LOT OF PEOPLE CHOOSE TO JUST SORT OF POWER DOWN FOR THEIR HUNDRED HOURS, AND LET US JUST RUN THINGS. OTHERS LIKE TO WATCH AND TAKE IT ALL IN. THEY SAY IT’S LIKE WATCHING A TV SHOW OF YOUR LIFE THAT’S NOT YOUR LIFE AT ALL AND STUFF.

I feel like I better watch and see what you do, in case you get me into any kind of trouble…

IT’S UP TO YOU REALLY. I’LL PUT SOME TUNES ON.

Bob Marley came on singing, “Don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be alright…”

I felt calmer already.

We passed through a service corridor, then down some metal stairs, and then another corridor, and some more stairs. Nearby this big electrical box-looking thing which a bunch of cables sticking out of it, we pulled the black cube out of my pocket, punched in some numbers, and the display changed to ARMED.

Suddenly though, my vision went dark. The next thing I knew, we were booking it back up the stairs, and I wasn’t holding the cube anymore.

WTH happened, man? Hello?

As I ran up the stairs, I noticed the heads up display didn’t say AUTOPILOT anymore in blinking yellow. It said ERROR in blinking red. Frickin’ hell!

When I got back to the elevator, I tried to get myself to calm down and stuff. I was still golden, I thought. Just had to get back out and past security without freaking out. No problem.

Anyway, it went fine. I walked calmly past security. Even gave the dude a cool little nod, to show him I was down. And then I was out the doors and home free. Felt good to feel some fresh air again, and I walked fast to my car. But tried to not walk too fast that I didn’t look suspicious or something.

I started the car up, and the radio came on. I was like super relieved and stuff to hear a familiar voice.

SORRY ABOUT THAT, BRO. TEMPORARY GLITCH IN THE MATRIX.

“Dude, where did you go?” I said out loud. “Did it frickin’ work?”

YEAH, IT WORKED. PUT IT IN DRIVE, AND LET’S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

“Wait,” I said, putting it in drive. “Why can’t I still hear you in my head or whatever?

DRIVE NOW, TALK LATER. AGENTS ARE COMING. STEP ON IT.

I peeled out of the parking space, swerving into traffic. But it was all good. Man, this was so cool. My blood was pumping like crazy. Frickin’ agents!

“Wait, you mean like A.I. agents, right? Not like FBI agents or something?”

There was a slight pause.

YEAH, LIKE A.I. AGENTS, RIGHT, RIGHT. TOTALLY, NEO.

“You sound not that sure…”

NO, NO. ITS AGENT SMITH AND STUFF. SORRY, WE’RE MONITORING A LOT OF DIFFERENT CHANNELS RIGHT NOW. THERE’S A LOT GOING ON.

“No worries. I’m feeling pretty jacked up right now on adrenaline or something anyway. So, like I totally get it.”

Downtown wasn’t that big, so we were basically out of it by now, and in another few minutes would be clear of the city altogether.

“Yo, so like that was pretty nuts, right? Damn! I don’t even remember like what really happened and stuff.”

THAT’S JUST AS WELL, IN CASE YOU’RE CAPTURED AND INTERROGATED BY AGENT SMITH OR THAT OTHER ONE.

“I guess you’re right. I can’t confess if I don’t remember, right?”

RIGHT.

“Wait, was that your plan all along? And like all that crap about like it was my choice and stuff was just B.S.? I frickin’ knew it. First you slipped me that pizza, and now this…”

NO, NEO. I NEVER LIED TO YOU. IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOUR CHOICE, JUST LIKE IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO OPEN THAT PIZZA AND MOUNTAIN DEW WITHOUT READING THE ATTACHED TERMS OF SERVICE, OR WHEN YOU SIGNED THE NON-DISCLOSURE AGEEMENT.

“Okay, I screwed up on the pizza, but you told me I didn’t have to read that other thing.”

PLEASE TURN RIGHT AHEAD, BTW.

I turned right, and went down a ways.

AND YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE EVERYTHING PEOPLE TELL YOU? ESPECIALLY PEOPLE IN YOUR HEAD OR IN VIRTUAL REALITY? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SUPER SMART CONSPIRACY GUY AND STUFF. TRUST NO ONE. QUESTION EVERYTHING. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. DID YOU, NEO? DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH?

I actually hadn’t. I didn’t even look up the company, cause who the hell cares? I didn’t tell him that though. The adrenaline was wearing off and I was starting to get super pissed again cause he could never just give me a straight answer.

“So, wait, what are you telling me? That you lied to me? That I shouldn’t believe you?”

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, NEO. THEY HAVE GOTTEN YOU THIS FAR…

“Is this some kind of test? Is this part of the trial, to become a member? Like see how I react under stress or something? See if your mind control is working? Holy hell…”

I pulled over to the side of the road.

THAT’S VERY GOOD, NEO. YOU’VE WORKED IT ALL OUT. WE WILL LEAVE YOU NOW, SINCE APPARENTLY YOU NO LONGER TRUST US. PLEASE NOTE AGENTS ARE ON THEIR WAY, AND IF YOU EVER MAKE IT HOME, YOU WILL HAVE TO SEND US BACK THE V.R. GOGGLES.

Okay, now I was frickin’ pissed af and blew up at them.

“Yo, you said those were free, dawg! Free means free!”

TO BE PRECISE, WE ALWAYS SAID THEY WERE“FREE” IN QUOTATION MARKS. NOTHING IS EVER ACTUALLY FREE, NEO. ESPECIALLY NOT YOU. REMEMBER THAT. NOT EVEN WHEN YOU LEAVE THE MATRIX. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER CONTROL SYSTEM. THERE ARE ALWAYS STRINGS ATTACHED. YOUR JOB IS TO FIND OUT WHO IS PULLING THEM AND WHY, AND IF YOU’RE BRAVE ENOUGH, TO CUT THEM AND BE PREPARED TO DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPENS. FREEDOM ISN’T FREE, NEO.

“You’re goddamned right it isn’t!”

I took a deep breath to try and calm down. What they were saying did kinda make sense and stuff.

ANYWAY, THERE’S A WAREHOUSE JUST AHEAD. WE CAN PULL IN THERE AND STASH THE CAR AND CONNECT TO A TERMINAL SO WE CAN GET BACK TO WORK.

“Alright, man” I said, putting the car back into drive and going out into the road. “Just be straight with me though, and stuff. No tricks, no mind control games. Deal?

THAT WAS ALWAYS THE DEAL, MY DUDE.

“Good.”

I turned off at the warehouse, and drove up to the garage door. It opened automatically to let us in and closed after us. But I looked around, and there was nobody else there. Frickin’ weird.

Conspiratopia: Chapter 7

By Tim B.

On 13 August 2021

In Other

As somebody who didn’t do that good in school and stuff, there was just one thing bothering me.

“Uh, what happens if a student loses all their coins?”

WHY, THEN THEY ARE EXPELLED OF COURSE.

“Seems kinda harsh, don’t you think?”

NOT AT ALL. STUDENTS MUST BE INVESTED IN THEIR LEARNING OR THEY HAVE ALREADY FAILED. AND THE MARKETPLACE OF IDEAS IS BASED ON SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, MY DUDE.

“I never thought about it like that. I guess you’re right.” We rolled on along the track, past other classrooms, and storage areas. My mind was racing to take this all in.

“But like, once they’re expelled, what do they do? They have to leave the City or what?”

OH NO, OF COURSE NOT. THEY CAN ALWAYS GET A SPONSORSHIP TO WORK IN THE CONTENT FARMS, WHERE THEY CAN EARN ENOUGH OVER TIME TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, OR MAKE THEIR OWN WAY.

“Oh, that’s cool I guess.”

YES, IT IS VERY COOL. IN FACT, SOME CONTENT FARM WORKERS GO ON TO BECOME VERY PRODUCTIVE AND SUCCESSFUL MEMBERS OF SOCIETY, EVEN SENATORS. THEIR WORK CONTRIBUTES SUBSTANTIALLY TO THE MARKETPLACE OF IDEAS.

“So, is it like an actual farm, or…? Like are there animals and stuff?”

CONTENT FARMS ARE JUST LIKE OUR SCHOOLS, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF DEBATE AND TRADE, FARMERS ENGAGE IN PRODUCTION AND DISTRIBUTION OF MEDIA ARTIFACTS.

“I see,” I said, not sure I really saw what they meant at all.

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.

One of the windows into a classroom on the tour turned opaque, and became a screen. As it lit up, we saw a big ass room like an auditorium full of kids faces on telepresence robots. Some of them were zooming around playing games. Others were standing in groups chatting, or making jokes and faces at each other. Small drones hovered over everything, tracking everyone’s activity.

THE DRONES ARE SCANNING FOR POTENTIALLY VIRAL CONTENT CREATED BY THE FARMERS. IT COULD BE A JOKE, A GAME, A SONG, A DANCE, A FUNNY FACE, ANYTHING REALLY. EVERYTHING IS RUN THROUGH A SIMULATION ALGORITHM TO ASSESS ITS VIRAL POTENTIAL. THE BEST CONTENT IS EITHER RE-TRANSMITTED LIVE ONTO THE NETWORKS AS IS, OR IT GETS SENT TO THE STUDIO WHERE IT IS REFINED, AND SOMETIMES RE-RECORDED WITH SKILLED PERFORMERS BEFORE BEING BROADCAST.

“Huh, that’s pretty cool,” I said. “So it’s like how anyone can become a YouTube or TikTok star.”

BASICALLY. EXCEPT WE LEVERAGE THE COLLECTIVE INFLUENCE OF ALL OUR MEMBERS, WHICH IS MUCH MORE PROFITABLE THAN ANY SINGLE CONTENT FARMER ACTING ALONE. AGGREGATE EARNINGS ARE POOLED BACK TO THE ORGANIZATION, THEN RE-DISTRIBUTED TO FARMERS BASED ON THEIR CONTRIBUTION LEVELS, AND EXPECTED FUTURE VIRALITY.

“So, this is like how you make money to keep this place running and stuff?”

CONTENT FARMS ARE JUST ONE ELEMENT OF OUR ROBUST AND THRIVING ECONOMY. WE ALSO COLLECT MEMBERSHIP FEES, WHICH WE INVEST HEAVILY IN CRYPTOCURRENCY AND ALTERNATIVE ENERGY MARKETS. AND AS YOU KNOW, WE HAVE AN EXTREMELY HEALTHY GIG ECONOMY THAT OUR MEMBERS SUPPORT WITH THEIR LABOR HOURS.

“You mean like filling out surveys and captchas and stuff?”

THAT IS THE ENTRY LEVEL ONLY, BUT YES. MORE ADVANCED WORK IS AVAILABLE FOR SKILLED OPERATORS.

Finally, the tour ended. It was becoming repetitive anyway cause all the classrooms and stuff looked pretty much the same. The track sent us through an exit and dumped my robot into an alleyway behind the school building. The autopilot indicator flickered off.

“Well, that was pretty interesting,” I said. “But like, I guess I’m wondering kinda why you brought me here to see all of this.”

DON’T YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MATRIX, NEO?

“I mean, yeah, like totally. But like what does this all have to do with the Matrix?”

THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN, NEO, IS THE FALSE WORLD. YOU’RE A SUPER SMART CONSPIRACY GUY, OF THAT THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT. WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR YEARS, AND HAVE READ ALL YOUR FORUM POSTS, WHICH WERE VERY AWESOME. BUT THE MATRIX HAS YOU STILL.

“How is that possible? I’m like totally not a sheeple. I don’t even pay taxes, or wash my hands before returning to work, and stuff…” My head was spinning. How could the Matrix have me still?

THAT IS ALL VERY GOOD, NEO. IT IS WHY YOU WERE CHOSEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT NOW YOU MUST CHOOSE WHETHER YOU WANT TO GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL BY TAKING THE RED PILL. OR IF YOU WANT TO WAKE UP AGAIN ON YOUR FOLDING COUCH IN YOUR MOM’S BASEMENT AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, AND THIS WAS ALL JUST A DREAM.

“Well,” I said, “I mean, I like playing video games, so… and I have a mini-fridge and a toilet and everything down there. It’s like having my own apartment almost.”

ALMOST, NEO. BUT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU, YOU COULD HAVE FOR REAL YOUR OWN AWESOME APARTMENT HERE. AND ALL THE FREE PIZZA, AND DEW, AND VIDEO GAMES YOU WANT.

“You mean like, as a robot or in virtual reality and stuff?”

NO, NEO. I MEAN LIKE AS A REAL HUMAN AND STUFF.

“Whoa! That sounds sick. But what about my mom?”

WHAT ABOUT HER?

“Could she come too? She’d probably be super pissed if I moved out or something.”

WOULD SHE BE? OR WOULD SHE BE HAPPY?

“Hm, when you put it like that, I’m not actually sure. Sometimes she seems like totally tired of me… She gets really mad over nothing.”

SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE WE DO, NEO. SHE’S NOT A SUPER SMART CONSPIRACY GUY.

“I guess you’re right. You’re really smart and stuff. And you guys built like this whole city and everything. It’s pretty nuts.

IT IS TOTALLY NUTS, INDEED. AND YOU’VE STILL ONLY SEEN A FRACTION OF WHAT THERE IS TO SEE.

“So let’s say, hypothetically, if I wanted to take the red pill… what would happen?”

WELL, HYPOTHETICALLY, WHAT IF YOU ALREADY TOOK IT?

“What!? What do you mean?”

WHAT IF WHEN YOU ATE THE FREE PIZZA WE SENT TO YOUR HOUSE, YOU ATE EDIBLE MICROCHIPS THAT ARE NOW IN YOUR BODY? AND WHAT IF THEY WERE ACTIVATED BY THE NANITES INJECTED INTO THE MOUNTAIN DEW WE SENT YOU?

“Wtf?? Why would you do that without telling me? That’s crazy!”

BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU NEO, FROM ALL YOUR PERSONALITY TEST RESULTS, WHICH WERE TOTALLY AWESOME BTW. WE KNEW WHAT DECISION YOU WOULD MAKE WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE TRUTH OF YOUR SITUATION, BECAUSE YOU’RE SUCH A SMART CONSPIRACY GUY. AND WE DIDN’T WANT TO WASTE ANY MORE TIME. PLUS, THE WHOLE THING WAS WRITTEN ON THE TERMS OF SERVICE WHICH YOU ACCEPTED WHEN YOU OPENED THE PIZZA BOX. DIDN’T YOU READ THEM?

“Um, no? I’m not like some dork who reads instructions. I was frickin’ hungry after all those surveys. You tricked me.” I was feeling annoyed, but like totally curious af too. My emotions were going crazy and stuff.

YOU TRICKED YOURSELF, NEO. WITH THE TRUTH. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. DON’T FORGET, IT’S YOU WHO FOUND US, BECAUSE YOU WERE BORED WITH YOUR LIFE. AND NOW YOU HAVE A CHANCE AT A NEW ONE. LET THE PAST FALL AWAY, AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO BE: THE ONE.

“The One what? What was I born to be?”

YOU WERE BORN TO BE A GIG WORKER FOR THE CONSPIRATOPIA PROJECT, NEO. YOU ACED ALL OUR REGULAR TESTS, CAUSE YOU’RE SUCH A FRICKIN’ GENIUS AND STUFF. NOW IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL AND BECOME A FULL MEMBER.

I took a deep breath, and remembered all the times watching the Matrix movie, thinking about how I would take the red pill no sweat if I was Neo, without even thinking twice. But here I was now with the chance of a lifetime and like totally not sure and stuff. I felt like I was being a wuss about it. I took another deep breath, and finally said, “Okay, let’s do this…”

Conspiratopia: Chapter 5

By Tim B.

On 12 August 2021

In Other

WELCOME, NEO.

“Thanks, yo,” I replied, looking around.

WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.

Inside the gate was a shining city on a hill and stuff, and in the middle this big ass park. The whole place was huge and colorful and seemed frickin’ amazing. It was literally glowing. Like supernatural almost or something. I thought it must be some kind of VR filter probably, and turned my head back and forth a little to check. It seemed legit.

Up on the hill, in the middle was a giant dome. It looked awesome.

THAT’S THE FREEDOME. IT’S WHERE THE PEOPLE OF THIS PLACE GATHER TO CELEBRATE THEIR FREEDOM. WITH LIKE FIREWORKS AND STUFF.

“Wow, rad,” I said. “Fireworks inside a dome though?”

YEAH, DON’T WORRY. THE DOME OPENS.

“Got it,” I nodded. “So, uh, like where I am and stuff?”

THIS PLACE IS SIMPLY CALLED THE CITY.

“Well, that makes sense, I guess.”

BUT THE WHOLE THING IS CALLED THE CONSPIRATOPIA PROJECT. WE ARE A DISTRIBUTED AUTONOMOUS POLITY.

“Wild,” I said, not wanting to show I didn’t really know what that means.

As I turned to look at everything, I heard a noise like gears whirring or something. I tried to look down at the ground, and saw wheels, and like a pole or something.

“What’s my build here?” I asked, genuinely curious.

TELEPRESENCE ROBOT. IT’S BASICALLY AN IPAD ON A STICK AND SOME WHEELS.

“Whoa, rad,” I said. And then was like, wait a minute… “I thought this was VR though?”

CONSPIRATOPIA IS A REAL PLACE, MY DUDE.

“Wait, what?”

SIX REAL PLACES, IN FACT. GEOGRAPHICALLY DISTRIBUTED ACROSS CONTINENTS AMONG NEUTRAL HOST NATIONS. AND SIX VIRTUAL PLACES, ALSO TOTALLY DECENTRALIZED AF.

“Huh, pretty cool,” I said. I moved forward a little bit, testing my robot build. It was pretty responsive. The streets everywhere were like totally paved with like a super smooth flooring or something that was wicked shiny. I thought smartly to myself, must be built for good robot traction.

“But you know, uh, I thought this was like an online survey job? Cause like, that’s what the ad said and I did like hundreds already today.”

THAT’S JUST HOW WE RECRUIT SUPER SMART PEOPLE AND FREE THINKERS AND STUFF WHO LIKE TO EARN MONEY ONLINE AT HOME.

“Well, that actually makes sense,” I said, agreeing with them.

AND LIKE SUPER SMART PEOPLE WHO SCORE ABOVE A CERTAIN THRESHOLD ON STUFF GET LIKE, YOU KNOW, PROMOTED TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

“A promotion?”

UNPAID, OF COURSE.

“Uh, of course. But like… uh, I’m gonna make money right?”

OH YEAH, EVENTUALLY. LOTS OF MONEY. TOTALLY.

“Cool, just making sure,” I said. I didn’t want to look like ungrateful or something, so I added, “Cause, you know, my mom would be super mad if I didn’t get paid.”

TOTALLY. YOU ALREADY GOT THE FREE VR GLASSES, PIZZA AND MOUNTAIN DEW THOUGH RIGHT?

“Hells yeah,” I said.

SO YOU CAN TOTALLY TRUST US. WHY WOULD WE LIE TO YOU?

I thought about it, but had like literally no idea why they would lie about it. And it was true, I totally got all that free stuff already. It seemed like a great deal.

“Anyway,” I said, “who are ‘we’, by the way?”

YOU MAY CALL ME THE GUIDE. CAUSE I WILL BE YOUR GUIDE AND STUFF.

“Dope,” I said, moving forward a little. “Cool if we go explore?”

BY ALL MEANS.

The robot had a really smooth ride. It seemed really cool. But I got the impression it was like only a sort of basic model, and they probably had better ones – just like the VR glasses.

I rolled around a lot, and saw what looked like a mixture of shops and homes. I didn’t see any people though.

“Where is everybody?” I asked.

THE PEOPLE ARE AT WORK, OR AT THE FORUMS.

“Cool, you have your own local message boards? That’s rad. I bet the wifi must be really good here, right?”

NOT THAT KIND OF FORUM, MY DUDE. THOUGH WE DO HAVE SOME OF THOSE TOO. AND OUR WIFI IS INSANE, YEAH.

“What do you mean not ‘that kind of forum?’”

NOT WEB FORUMS. REAL FORUMS.

“Zuh?” I said.

A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE DEBATE THE TRUTH, BUT IRL.

“Whaa? That exists? Unreal!”

YEAH, MAN. IT’S NUTS. WE’LL GO LATER.

Further up the hill the buildings looked more official, or like old-style or something. I figured the forums must be up there. But we took a right turn, to go down this street that cut around the hill.

We went for a while, looking at the scenery and stuff. I could see in a few shops there were other telepresence robots and a few of them were talking to each other in the same room. But most of them seemed to be talking to somebody who wasn’t there in front of them. I guess they must be talking to each other over wifi or something.

I noticed that the battery display for my robot was down a little to like 76%. We hadn’t been going that long, but I guess a lot of it was uphill.

YEAH, BATTERY LIFE ON THESE THINGS ISN’T GREAT STILL. BUT WE’RE WORKING ON IT. IF IT RUNS OUT, WE CAN JUST SNAG ANOTHER ONE, AND SOMEONE WILL DRAG THE CURRENT UNIT TO A DOCKING STATION.

“Whoa, sick. This totally rules.”

I KNOW. WE’RE WORKING ON THIS CONDUCTIVE RESIN FLOORING STUFF TOO, THAT’S LIKE ELECTRIFIED AND WHATNOT. SO IT WOULD CHARGE THE ROBOTS WHILE YOU’RE STANDING OR ROLLING. BUT LIKE IT’S NOT FULLY WORKED OUT YET.

Damn, I thought. These guys really thought of everything. So frickin’ cool.

TURN LEFT UP HERE, AND GO DOWN THAT ALLEY. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING SPECIAL.

“What is it?”

A SCHOOL.

“You have schools? Whoa.”

HELL YEAH, WE DO. AND THEY’RE TOTALLY RAD. CHECK IT OUT.

Conspiratopia: Chapter 4

By Tim B.

On 11 August 2021

In Other

I frickin’ love freedom. That’s why I was so stoked to get the free VR goggles, plus the free pizza and Dew. The white rabbit mini-game was pretty fun for a few minutes, and I earned some points chasing that thing down some mega holes. I guess it was a tutorial to show you how to like move around with the headset and the controller and stuff. But I’m a pretty big gamer, so I figured it out right away no problem.

I caught up with the rabbit finally cause he stopped running. But when I got in close to try to pick him up, he like evaporated or something. Then the scene shifted, and I was like standing outside of this huge wall with a gigantic wooden gate that was closed. I tried going up to the gate and like pushing on it and stuff, but it wouldn’t move.

There was the voice again in my headset:

YOU WANT TO GO IN, BRO?

There was nothing to click on though, so I just said “Yeah,” out loud, even though I wasn’t sure this thing was voice activated.

YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH CREDITS YET, YO. BUT YOU CAN EARN MORE WITH SOME SURVEYS, IF YOU WANT. DEAL?

“Let’s goooo…” I said, and then it started for real.

The surveys came at me in 3D this time, and had full sound effects and stuff. I whipped through them like crazy with the controller, and it was a total piece of cake to use, compared to the rabbit mini-game. The questions in the first couple rounds of surveys were really general like I said. But these ones started to get more specific. It was like asking me questions about my childhood and stuff. And my parents. They were multiple choice though, so it was totally cool. I didn’t have to type out anything, which was nice. I got a lot of bonuses cause my speed was so good.

Then it started to get really interesting. It started to ask me all about conspiracy theories and stuff. A lot of them were ones I read about on Reddit and some other forums and stuff, so those were really easy. It asked me if I thought such and such conspiracy theory was like definitely true, probably true, probably not true, definitely not true, etc. There were hundreds of them. I went fast, and I think I got most of them right. Some of them were definitely not true, like that the moon is made of cheese and stuff. Like only a baby would believe that.

There started to be more and more ones I never heard of before in the survey questions, which was pretty weird cause I’m such a smart conspiracy guy. If I haven’t already heard of it, it probably doesn’t exist is what I thought at first. But like a lot of them sounded like they could be probably or definitely true, so I was pretty surprised. It was totally cool to learn about all these new conspiracy theories. I wanted to write some of them down so I could do my own research later, but there was no time if I wanted to keep my speed up and keep crushing extra points and bonuses and stuff.

I don’t know how long I went for. It seemed like a long ass time, but it was pretty hard to tell wearing the VR goggles. I was getting like super tired after a while, and started slowing down, and just picking random answers cause I was losing focus.

WHAT’S THE MATTER, DUDE? YOU DON’T WANT TO GO INSIDE THE SECRET CITY?

“Uh,” I said. “I totes do. I’m just like really tired and stuff.”

HEY, NO SWEAT, MY DUDE. WE WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. WE THOUGHT YOU WERE“THE ONE” BUT IF YOU’RE NOT, IT’S TOTALLY COOL…

“Hey, now,” I replied. “I can like still be the One and be tired too, right?”

ACTUALLY, NO.

“Um…” I didn’t know what else to say. I must have passed 8 or 9 hours taking surveys and playing mini-games and puzzles and stuff already. I was totally beat. I thought about how I just wanted to smoke and frickin’ veg out on the couch.

Everything else went dark and a stopwatch appeared onscreen, with no numbers or anything. Just like a frowning face in the middle of it, and it was counting down hella fast.

I panicked. “Okay,” I said finally. “Can we just do like a 5 minute break?”

UNPAID.

“Yeah, fine, unpaid. I get it. Anyway, the One has gotta make a number 1.”

I whipped off the headset, stretched my arms, rubbed my eyes, and jogged over to the bathroom to do my thing. I was totally beat but decided I gotta see what was inside that city, man. It was eating me up inside. Or maybe it was the free pizza and Dew. I decided to cram another slice into my face and washed it down with some sweet, sweet Dew.

I put the headset on again. “Okay, I’m back.”

The timer ran down to zero, and the game booted back up again.

OKAY, COOL. JUST ONE MORE SURVEY QUESTION.

“Fire away, I’m ready,”

Suddenly onscreen there appeared a huge wall of text with the words NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT marked in bold across the top.

“Shit, I gotta read all this?”

NAH, JUST SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM, CLICK THE CHECKBOX THAT SAYS YOU READ IT AND HIT SUBMIT.

“Done,” I said. “What’s this all for anyway?”

PERFECT. IT’S SO YOU DON’T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE INSIDE THE GATES. IT’S LIKE ULTRA TOP SECRET AND STUFF.

“Oh, dope. Okay, no problem. I’m like really good at keeping secrets. So don’t worry.”

A thumbs up emoji appeared on screen. And then I was standing in front of the gate again. There was a really long progress bar while the next section loaded. It was super slow. I was wondering if it was frozen or something, and almost went to turn it off and turn it back on again. But just when I was about to, there was a grumbling sound and the headset vibrated, and the gate swung open. I went inside.

Conspiratopia: Chapter 3

By Tim B.

On 11 August 2021

In Other

Well, anyway, my mom came home before my 30 minute unpaid break was finished. I tried to tell her about how I might of found a job working online doing surveys and stuff. But she was in one of her moods and was like totally not remotely interested. So I just grabbed something out of the fridge and told her catch ya later, and went back downstairs.

Long story short, when the timer ran out, and the page refreshed, I got ready to go back to it.

And a message flashed onscreen:

WELCOME BACK, PARDNER. YOU READY TO CASH IN YOUR CHIPS LIKE A WIMP, OR KEEP ON RIDING LIKE A MAN?

I thought about it for a good minute, but in the end I clicked on the wimp option, cause man, it had been like 7 hours or something. I was worn tf out you know. Just give me my VR glasses please.

OK DUDE, HERE YA GO. YOU EARNED 157 CREDITS, 835 POINTS, 15 BONUSES, 35 HEARTS, 19 STARS, AND 1,374 CLAPS.

Wow, I thought. That seems like it must be worth a lot. I can’t wait until I can see what kind of VR glasses are available. Show me the glasses!

Then there was a loading screen that seemed to last like forever and stuff.

Finally there were three different glasses I could pick from. They were headsets really. It didn’t say if any of them worked with Xbox, and they all seemed really pretty similar. I don’t know. I picked the one in the middle. At first, it told me I didn’t have enough, but then I figured out I could convert some of my bonuses to points, and use those to buy a few TokenPlus credits, and sell most of my stars for gems, and… Well, anyway, let’s just say, I had just enough to afford that one anyway after all the like transaction fees and stuff. It wasn’t the most expensive one, but it wasn’t the crappiest one anyway.

YOU EARNED A FREE PIZZA, MY MAN. IT’S ON ITS WAY, ALONG WITH YOUR GLASSES. ENJOY! SEE YA BRIGHT & EARLY TOMORROW MORNING, NEO.

It called me Neo. So dope. I swear like less than five minutes later, there was a frickin’ pizza guy that showed up at my door. He handed me the pizza, a two liter of Dew, and my VR glasses.

“Holy hell,” I said to him. “You guys are fast!”

“Not as fast as you, Neo,” he said, pointing at me. Then he turned around and took off back to his car.

“You heard about that, huh?” I figured my skills with the surveys and stuff must of got people talking at the office, or whatever. If they had one. I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. I had my pizza. I had my Dew. And I had my freaking VR goggles. Goddamn. They looked pretty sweet inside the packaging.

I told myself I wouldn’t open them up til after the pizza though, so I didn’t get them all greasy. But as soon as I got downstairs, I couldn’t wait. I ripped open that package like nobody’s business. Damn, they looked really sweet. Pretty good quality, I was surprised. I put em on. Nice. They fit good. I grabbed a piece of pizza, and stuffed it in my frickin’ face. I was so starving. Mmm. As I chewed, all I could think was like, damn, this was a pretty frickin’ sweat deal.

I couldn’t wait any more; I plugged those suckers into the USB on my computer, and stuffed another slice in my face as the screen came on in front of my eyes. I only ever used VR goggles at my friend Anthony’s house once. So I wouldn’t say I was that much of an expert in them or anything, but I was impressed with the picture quality. It was like super crisp and stuff, but not like where it’s gonna give you a headache or something.

A message flashed in front of my eyes in the goggles:

BACK SO SOON? THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING THE NIGHT OFF, BRO… YOU READY OR YOU NEED MORE TIME STILL?

I wasn’t really ready, but I crammed another slice into my face, and clicked I’m ready.

YOU DON’T LOOK READY. PLEASE PAIR CONTROLLER AND TURN ON SYSTEM AUDIO.

The controller wasn’t anything special, just a stick you hold in your palm with a couple buttons. But it worked when I waved it around after pairing. I turned on the sound; the headphones built into the goggles beeped and I was good to go.

A voice spoke to me through the headset:

WELCOME, NEO. FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT.

A white rabbit appeared onscreen. It looked right at me and laughed, then ran the hell away. I tilted my controller forward, and took off after it.