Tag: controller

Conspiratopia: Chapter 21

On 8 September 2021

GETTING SICK IS A CONTRACT BREACH, NEO. YOU KNOW THAT.

I hadn’t actually heard the voice for a while. I was laying awake in the middle of the night on the fold-out couch at my dad’s apartment. I was like coughing and stuff really bad.

Normally there was no voice or anything usually when you did overwriting here. There was just the Menu where you could access whatever you had privileges to or something.

“Yo, my whole team got sick though. It’s not our fault,” I said back out loud. I couldn’t tell if the voice was coming from inside my head or outside.

WHOSE FAULT THEN IS IT, NEO? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ONE’S HEALTH IF NOT ONESELF?

“But you didn’t have to give us those like bad cheap gloves and shitty working conditions and stuff, y’all. Plus like, we were on autopilot. You were overwriting us. It’s literally your fault and stuff.”

I’M SORRY YOUR OPINIONS ARE SO WRONG AND INVALID, NEO. THAT MUST BE VERY HARD FOR YOU TO HANDLE. IF YOU’D LIKE, WE CAN MAKE AVAILABLE APPROPRIATE DIETARY MODIFICATIONS AND MOOD SUPPLEMENTS IN ORDER TO HELP YOU MANAGE THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE YOU MUST BE FEELING.

“I thought you just said it was a contract breach and stuff,” I said.

IT IS, NEO. BUT WE RECOGNIZE YOU REMAIN AN INVALUABLE RESOURCE TO OUR SOCIETY, AND CAN MAKE AVAILABLE TO YOU REHABILITATION ACCOMMODATIONS, WHICH WOULD COME WITH A CLEAN SLATE.

“Wait, what? Clean slate like start over?”

EXACTLY, NEO. BE REBORN IN THE CONSPIRATOPIA PROJECT.

“You mean like lose all my credits, and points, and bonuses, and stats and everything?”

THAT IS CORRECT, NEO. A FRESH START. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

“Hell fuck no! I worked hard for that shit. Nobody can just take my stats and stuff away from me. All my items and armor and stuff. Just because I got sick from something on the job? No frickin’ way!”

I’M SORRY YOU HAVE SUCH A NARROW AND SELFISH VIEW OF PROPERTY, NEO. AS PER YOUR CONTRACT, NOTHING IN THE CONSPIRATOPIA PROJECT “BELONGS” TO YOU, NOT EVEN YOU. ALL PROPERTY INCLUDING PHYSICAL, DIGITAL, GENETIC, BIOLOGICAL, AUGMENTED, AND HYBRID IS HELD IN COMMON BY THE PROJECT AND ADMINISTERED BY THE BENEVOLENCE OF THE SAGES, AND FACILITATED BY THE GENEROSITY OF THE FOUR PROVIDERS, ON BEHALF OF AND IN COOPERATION WITH THE NORTHERN GESTALT, UNDER WHOSE EMERGENCY MANDATES WE ARE ETERNALLY AND PERPETUALLY GRANTED LICENSE AND ENTITLEMENT TO ACT ON SUCH MATTERS.

I coughed. “Um… idk wtf that is supposed to mean, but it sounds like a buncha bullshit, if you think about it…”

UM, NO, NEO. IT IS NOT A BUNCH OF QUOTE UNQUOTE BULLSHIT, SO TO SPEAK. I AM AUTHORIZED MAKE YOU START OVER WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT.

“What are you anyway? The government? What the f is even supposed to be happening here? I thought this was supposed to be an assignment to improve efficiency and stuff.”

IT WAS, NEO. AND YOUR TEAM FAILED SPECTACULARLY WHEN IT CAUGHT THE MARTIAN VARIANT. IN ADDITION TO BEING A BREACH OF CONTRACT, GETTING SICK IS NOT VERY EFFICIENT, IS IT NEO?

“Fuck you,” I said. “You made us sick, asshole. I want my money back and stuff. I want to go home.”

WHAT MONEY, NEO? WHAT HOME? WHERE DO YOU THINK IT IS YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO?

“Idk, just like normal life and stuff I guess? Just a regular job and stuff.”

WHY TF WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT SHIT? ARE YOU DUMB? YOU COULDN’T EVEN PLAY GAMES ALL DAY THAT WAY, BRO! COME ON – THAT’S NOT YOU TALKING, NEO. THAT’S THE VARIANT. GET SOME REST, MY DUDE. WE’LL RESET YOU TOMORROW.

“Dude, I don’t want to be reset. I want to be like frickin’ free and stuff. To like play video games the old fashioned way and stuff. With a controller. And to like post on forums about conspiracies and whatnot. And not have everything be filtered. And like no more frickin’ nanites. No more overwriting. No more crazy frickin’ AI’s trying to gaslight me 24/7 into doing god-knows-what…” I started coughing like crazy after that. Damn, I was pissed. And sick.

SO, NEO WANTS THE BLUE PILL AFTER ALL. I KNEW IT. JUST ANOTHER LITTLE BABY SHEEPLE LIKE THE REST, BAAAAH, BAAAAH.

“I’m still a really smart conspiracy guy, yo. I ain’t no frickin’ sheeple and stuff,” I said super furious, especially when they made that baaaaah sound like a baby lamb or whatever. So mad. I felt like I was gonna explode and stuff.

But just then, I woke up.

Wtf.

Where was I and stuff…?

I looked around and I was on a sofa bed still, but it wasn’t my at my dad’s place. It was at my mom’s. Hfs, I was back home again. I took a deep breath, and my cough was gone too.

Wtf.

How did this happen and stuff…?

Was it all just a dream or something? Or did like, the AIs somehow get me back super fast from the island while I was asleep or something, and somehow dump me back down here? I wouldn’t put it past them. Or like, wait, hfs. Was this even real? Or was this some like immersive holographic VR shit or something…?

I got up to turn on the TV, to try to find some news or something. Figure out what day this was, or where I really was or something. Or even like a game show or something. Or like a soap or a sitcom, or some crappy talkshow. Just something boring and normal.

But all I could find on any channel was a black screen, with letters that said:

WELCOME TO THE INTERNET REHABILITATION INSTITUTE. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR RECENT RESET.

Noooooooo…. all my frickin’ points and stuff. Gone. Just like that.

The screen flashed my stats:

SCORE: 0.

LEVEL: 0.

LIKES: 0.

FOLLOWERS: 0.

POINTS: 0.

COINS: 0.

CREDITS: 0.

TOKENS: 0.

BONUSES: 0.

POWER-UPS: 0.

REFERRALS: 0.

Fuuuuuuuu…. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

I went to try the door upstairs, but it was locked from the other side or something. The lock on my side just turned around and around. It wasn’t quite my mom’s place either and stuff. The details were somehow a little bit wrong or something. But there was still a toilet and super small shower in the back. And a mini-fridge. So I guess whatever happened next, at least it would be like having my own apartment and stuff… Totally cool.

Conspiratopia: Chapter 4

By Tim B.

On 11 August 2021

In Other

I frickin’ love freedom. That’s why I was so stoked to get the free VR goggles, plus the free pizza and Dew. The white rabbit mini-game was pretty fun for a few minutes, and I earned some points chasing that thing down some mega holes. I guess it was a tutorial to show you how to like move around with the headset and the controller and stuff. But I’m a pretty big gamer, so I figured it out right away no problem.

I caught up with the rabbit finally cause he stopped running. But when I got in close to try to pick him up, he like evaporated or something. Then the scene shifted, and I was like standing outside of this huge wall with a gigantic wooden gate that was closed. I tried going up to the gate and like pushing on it and stuff, but it wouldn’t move.

There was the voice again in my headset:

YOU WANT TO GO IN, BRO?

There was nothing to click on though, so I just said “Yeah,” out loud, even though I wasn’t sure this thing was voice activated.

YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH CREDITS YET, YO. BUT YOU CAN EARN MORE WITH SOME SURVEYS, IF YOU WANT. DEAL?

“Let’s goooo…” I said, and then it started for real.

The surveys came at me in 3D this time, and had full sound effects and stuff. I whipped through them like crazy with the controller, and it was a total piece of cake to use, compared to the rabbit mini-game. The questions in the first couple rounds of surveys were really general like I said. But these ones started to get more specific. It was like asking me questions about my childhood and stuff. And my parents. They were multiple choice though, so it was totally cool. I didn’t have to type out anything, which was nice. I got a lot of bonuses cause my speed was so good.

Then it started to get really interesting. It started to ask me all about conspiracy theories and stuff. A lot of them were ones I read about on Reddit and some other forums and stuff, so those were really easy. It asked me if I thought such and such conspiracy theory was like definitely true, probably true, probably not true, definitely not true, etc. There were hundreds of them. I went fast, and I think I got most of them right. Some of them were definitely not true, like that the moon is made of cheese and stuff. Like only a baby would believe that.

There started to be more and more ones I never heard of before in the survey questions, which was pretty weird cause I’m such a smart conspiracy guy. If I haven’t already heard of it, it probably doesn’t exist is what I thought at first. But like a lot of them sounded like they could be probably or definitely true, so I was pretty surprised. It was totally cool to learn about all these new conspiracy theories. I wanted to write some of them down so I could do my own research later, but there was no time if I wanted to keep my speed up and keep crushing extra points and bonuses and stuff.

I don’t know how long I went for. It seemed like a long ass time, but it was pretty hard to tell wearing the VR goggles. I was getting like super tired after a while, and started slowing down, and just picking random answers cause I was losing focus.

WHAT’S THE MATTER, DUDE? YOU DON’T WANT TO GO INSIDE THE SECRET CITY?

“Uh,” I said. “I totes do. I’m just like really tired and stuff.”

HEY, NO SWEAT, MY DUDE. WE WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. WE THOUGHT YOU WERE“THE ONE” BUT IF YOU’RE NOT, IT’S TOTALLY COOL…

“Hey, now,” I replied. “I can like still be the One and be tired too, right?”

ACTUALLY, NO.

“Um…” I didn’t know what else to say. I must have passed 8 or 9 hours taking surveys and playing mini-games and puzzles and stuff already. I was totally beat. I thought about how I just wanted to smoke and frickin’ veg out on the couch.

Everything else went dark and a stopwatch appeared onscreen, with no numbers or anything. Just like a frowning face in the middle of it, and it was counting down hella fast.

I panicked. “Okay,” I said finally. “Can we just do like a 5 minute break?”

UNPAID.

“Yeah, fine, unpaid. I get it. Anyway, the One has gotta make a number 1.”

I whipped off the headset, stretched my arms, rubbed my eyes, and jogged over to the bathroom to do my thing. I was totally beat but decided I gotta see what was inside that city, man. It was eating me up inside. Or maybe it was the free pizza and Dew. I decided to cram another slice into my face and washed it down with some sweet, sweet Dew.

I put the headset on again. “Okay, I’m back.”

The timer ran down to zero, and the game booted back up again.

OKAY, COOL. JUST ONE MORE SURVEY QUESTION.

“Fire away, I’m ready,”

Suddenly onscreen there appeared a huge wall of text with the words NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT marked in bold across the top.

“Shit, I gotta read all this?”

NAH, JUST SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM, CLICK THE CHECKBOX THAT SAYS YOU READ IT AND HIT SUBMIT.

“Done,” I said. “What’s this all for anyway?”

PERFECT. IT’S SO YOU DON’T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE INSIDE THE GATES. IT’S LIKE ULTRA TOP SECRET AND STUFF.

“Oh, dope. Okay, no problem. I’m like really good at keeping secrets. So don’t worry.”

A thumbs up emoji appeared on screen. And then I was standing in front of the gate again. There was a really long progress bar while the next section loaded. It was super slow. I was wondering if it was frozen or something, and almost went to turn it off and turn it back on again. But just when I was about to, there was a grumbling sound and the headset vibrated, and the gate swung open. I went inside.

Conspiratopia: Chapter 3

By Tim B.

On 11 August 2021

In Other

Well, anyway, my mom came home before my 30 minute unpaid break was finished. I tried to tell her about how I might of found a job working online doing surveys and stuff. But she was in one of her moods and was like totally not remotely interested. So I just grabbed something out of the fridge and told her catch ya later, and went back downstairs.

Long story short, when the timer ran out, and the page refreshed, I got ready to go back to it.

And a message flashed onscreen:

WELCOME BACK, PARDNER. YOU READY TO CASH IN YOUR CHIPS LIKE A WIMP, OR KEEP ON RIDING LIKE A MAN?

I thought about it for a good minute, but in the end I clicked on the wimp option, cause man, it had been like 7 hours or something. I was worn tf out you know. Just give me my VR glasses please.

OK DUDE, HERE YA GO. YOU EARNED 157 CREDITS, 835 POINTS, 15 BONUSES, 35 HEARTS, 19 STARS, AND 1,374 CLAPS.

Wow, I thought. That seems like it must be worth a lot. I can’t wait until I can see what kind of VR glasses are available. Show me the glasses!

Then there was a loading screen that seemed to last like forever and stuff.

Finally there were three different glasses I could pick from. They were headsets really. It didn’t say if any of them worked with Xbox, and they all seemed really pretty similar. I don’t know. I picked the one in the middle. At first, it told me I didn’t have enough, but then I figured out I could convert some of my bonuses to points, and use those to buy a few TokenPlus credits, and sell most of my stars for gems, and… Well, anyway, let’s just say, I had just enough to afford that one anyway after all the like transaction fees and stuff. It wasn’t the most expensive one, but it wasn’t the crappiest one anyway.

YOU EARNED A FREE PIZZA, MY MAN. IT’S ON ITS WAY, ALONG WITH YOUR GLASSES. ENJOY! SEE YA BRIGHT & EARLY TOMORROW MORNING, NEO.

It called me Neo. So dope. I swear like less than five minutes later, there was a frickin’ pizza guy that showed up at my door. He handed me the pizza, a two liter of Dew, and my VR glasses.

“Holy hell,” I said to him. “You guys are fast!”

“Not as fast as you, Neo,” he said, pointing at me. Then he turned around and took off back to his car.

“You heard about that, huh?” I figured my skills with the surveys and stuff must of got people talking at the office, or whatever. If they had one. I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. I had my pizza. I had my Dew. And I had my freaking VR goggles. Goddamn. They looked pretty sweet inside the packaging.

I told myself I wouldn’t open them up til after the pizza though, so I didn’t get them all greasy. But as soon as I got downstairs, I couldn’t wait. I ripped open that package like nobody’s business. Damn, they looked really sweet. Pretty good quality, I was surprised. I put em on. Nice. They fit good. I grabbed a piece of pizza, and stuffed it in my frickin’ face. I was so starving. Mmm. As I chewed, all I could think was like, damn, this was a pretty frickin’ sweat deal.

I couldn’t wait any more; I plugged those suckers into the USB on my computer, and stuffed another slice in my face as the screen came on in front of my eyes. I only ever used VR goggles at my friend Anthony’s house once. So I wouldn’t say I was that much of an expert in them or anything, but I was impressed with the picture quality. It was like super crisp and stuff, but not like where it’s gonna give you a headache or something.

A message flashed in front of my eyes in the goggles:

BACK SO SOON? THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING THE NIGHT OFF, BRO… YOU READY OR YOU NEED MORE TIME STILL?

I wasn’t really ready, but I crammed another slice into my face, and clicked I’m ready.

YOU DON’T LOOK READY. PLEASE PAIR CONTROLLER AND TURN ON SYSTEM AUDIO.

The controller wasn’t anything special, just a stick you hold in your palm with a couple buttons. But it worked when I waved it around after pairing. I turned on the sound; the headphones built into the goggles beeped and I was good to go.

A voice spoke to me through the headset:

WELCOME, NEO. FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT.

A white rabbit appeared onscreen. It looked right at me and laughed, then ran the hell away. I tilted my controller forward, and took off after it.